The hardest thing to do is to have a set goal then have someone place an unmovable [is that even a word?] in front of you. Goals are often very long term and when you have that obstacle set in front of you for a really long time... eventually you want to give up. But aren't obstacles supposed to just make you stronger? What if that obstacle is just riding your back, pulling you deeper into the quicksand so that finally, you can't bear to move forward any longer... and giving up is no longer and option but a requirement? That's the worst kind of obstacle... that obstacle is called a parent.
It's funny because you would think a parent would support a child into whatever it is they want to pursue. For the most part, most of them do. But then there are the others... the one's who eat and scratch away at their child's inards to have them fufill the dream that they never could. Most want to see their legacy lived through their child and most children don't want that or have the guts to say anything about it. The result? A very angry and rebellious teenager with access to a blog. Oh gee, the opportunities today.
Monday, August 18, 2008
Thursday, August 14, 2008
On Friends.
I've found, in the strangest ways, that it's too time consuming and stressing to be the good friend. No one really values you anyway, so why bother? People are always going to take advantage of you because you're officially dubbed 'the good friend'. You know, the type of friend who listens to everyone elses needs, the one who lets others confide in you in hopes you get to confide in them, the one that everyone 'trusts', the one that does the apologizing. You know, the responsible sorts?
Eventually, my fellow good friend, you're going to get fed up. You're going to get sick and tired of people always taking advantage of you. Taking advantage of your friendship because you're the one who'll be the bigger person to apologize. On the note of apologies, if you apologize you may think you're the bigger person [and you probably are] but the person you're seeking 'forgiveness' from won't. Instead, they'll see it as they're the bigger person; they're the winner; they're the right one. They'll see it as if you need them and want to be on okay terms again. Did you actually think that by apologizing even if it wasn't your fault that they're going to see you as an amazing person? No. They never do. People never change, just their lies.
Because man, those friends of yours? They'll run you into the ground. They'll run you until you're too weak to move your bones; until there's no more blood to run. They'll slam you with the meanest words to seem like they're the funny bigger superior friend; the one with the reins on this relationship. They'll break you down into tears- shiny glistening tears that fall down your face like a storm of shooting stars. And will hey apologize? No. They're the bigger ones. They're waiting for you to apologize.
And then one day, enough will finally be enough. And you'll snap back. You'll be flustered with anger that your words will run into each other. You'll be so flustered that your words won't be words. They'll animalistic sounds. They'll reflect the pent frustration and anger that have been encased in your body. It will all come out so quickly and it won't make any sense that they'll look at you flabberghasted... and laugh. And laugh some more. And they'll keep on laughing until finally... they get angry. They'll pounce on you like ravenous monsters, eating you limb from limb. They'll rip apart your torso and stab you to ribbons. They're words will be so fierce and hit you so hard you'd think they were shooting you with a gun.
These, are your friends?
You don't need those kind of friends. No matter what type of relationship. If you're always going to be the one giving and giving and giving... You'll eventually get tired of it. Because, what happens when you've got nothing left to give? Well obviously, you're going to stop giving. And the best time to do that is when you realize that you're back at square one. Apologizing.
Eventually, my fellow good friend, you're going to get fed up. You're going to get sick and tired of people always taking advantage of you. Taking advantage of your friendship because you're the one who'll be the bigger person to apologize. On the note of apologies, if you apologize you may think you're the bigger person [and you probably are] but the person you're seeking 'forgiveness' from won't. Instead, they'll see it as they're the bigger person; they're the winner; they're the right one. They'll see it as if you need them and want to be on okay terms again. Did you actually think that by apologizing even if it wasn't your fault that they're going to see you as an amazing person? No. They never do. People never change, just their lies.
Because man, those friends of yours? They'll run you into the ground. They'll run you until you're too weak to move your bones; until there's no more blood to run. They'll slam you with the meanest words to seem like they're the funny bigger superior friend; the one with the reins on this relationship. They'll break you down into tears- shiny glistening tears that fall down your face like a storm of shooting stars. And will hey apologize? No. They're the bigger ones. They're waiting for you to apologize.
And then one day, enough will finally be enough. And you'll snap back. You'll be flustered with anger that your words will run into each other. You'll be so flustered that your words won't be words. They'll animalistic sounds. They'll reflect the pent frustration and anger that have been encased in your body. It will all come out so quickly and it won't make any sense that they'll look at you flabberghasted... and laugh. And laugh some more. And they'll keep on laughing until finally... they get angry. They'll pounce on you like ravenous monsters, eating you limb from limb. They'll rip apart your torso and stab you to ribbons. They're words will be so fierce and hit you so hard you'd think they were shooting you with a gun.
These, are your friends?
You don't need those kind of friends. No matter what type of relationship. If you're always going to be the one giving and giving and giving... You'll eventually get tired of it. Because, what happens when you've got nothing left to give? Well obviously, you're going to stop giving. And the best time to do that is when you realize that you're back at square one. Apologizing.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Acts.
Somestimes the downside of being extremely open with people is that they begin to ignore what you say. It's not that they don't respect you. It's just that you've made so much of your life public that people don't really care what's going on in your life. So thay tune you out and when they do this, things get mean.
Hypocrites plague our nation today. It doesn't take much to find one. Just look into a mirror and you've got yourself the closet hypocrite on the block. If people want to be paid attention to, then the things they rant about shouldn't be the things that they're trying to escape. It'll only follow you the more you let it infect you.
The best kind of person is the understanding kind. But they're so few and far apart that they often get strung up. They're the kind of people who listen but won't input advice. They're the kind of people who won't ask or rant. Kind people let others shift the burden of their worries onto them. But what do these kind people do with that burden? Do they just let it sit there? Do they just let it accumulate until one day... he lashes out?
Hypocrites plague our nation today. It doesn't take much to find one. Just look into a mirror and you've got yourself the closet hypocrite on the block. If people want to be paid attention to, then the things they rant about shouldn't be the things that they're trying to escape. It'll only follow you the more you let it infect you.
The best kind of person is the understanding kind. But they're so few and far apart that they often get strung up. They're the kind of people who listen but won't input advice. They're the kind of people who won't ask or rant. Kind people let others shift the burden of their worries onto them. But what do these kind people do with that burden? Do they just let it sit there? Do they just let it accumulate until one day... he lashes out?
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
The Beginning of a Demise.
What happens when you begin to doubt everything you thought you stood for? When everything familiar and safe suddenly isn't? Why is it so easy to let go of people who you saw as a safety net?
It's because we're human. We have a natural inkling to screw up everything good in our life because we're not pleased with how it is already. We could be living almost so perfectly and still find ourselves unsatisfied. The innate thirst for something greater and bigger than our selves is what drives our species. It's also what runs us into the ground.
You can have your head smothered into the muddy ground. You can be bruised until you're completely numb. You can even cut your hair beyond repair... but all of this will not keep you from that lust. It's a hunger so strong it can not be satiated. The need is almost parasitic and won't go away no matter how many times you find yourself on the floor.
I've had this thirst. I still do and I'm trying to get rid of it. I often wonder. Why can't I just be happy with what I have now? Maybe it's because I'm not happy. I'll always want and plunder for more and more until finally... I'll have it all. I'll be happy, right? Something that's burdening my shoulders tells me... No, you won't be happy.
It's because we're human. We have a natural inkling to screw up everything good in our life because we're not pleased with how it is already. We could be living almost so perfectly and still find ourselves unsatisfied. The innate thirst for something greater and bigger than our selves is what drives our species. It's also what runs us into the ground.
You can have your head smothered into the muddy ground. You can be bruised until you're completely numb. You can even cut your hair beyond repair... but all of this will not keep you from that lust. It's a hunger so strong it can not be satiated. The need is almost parasitic and won't go away no matter how many times you find yourself on the floor.
I've had this thirst. I still do and I'm trying to get rid of it. I often wonder. Why can't I just be happy with what I have now? Maybe it's because I'm not happy. I'll always want and plunder for more and more until finally... I'll have it all. I'll be happy, right? Something that's burdening my shoulders tells me... No, you won't be happy.
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